The Mad Ones.

"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars..."

-Jack Kerouac


Okay, so I know what you are thinking - what's with this girl and her obsession for madness and burning? I must admit my infatuation - but really, what is life without madness and burning? I know I'm getting a little holier than though philosophical here, but it comes with the terribly cheesy territory of being a Life Junkie.

I am a breed of person addicted to the feeling of being alive, addicted to the analysis of it, addicted to the examination of it - if only through the simplest moments. I love literature because it documents life, crystallizes moments in glass cases, unpacks the stages of human existence. I am not only addicted to the perfect car ride with the perfect company and the perfect song, I am also a junkie for dead-end feelings and hopeless despair.

I am junkie for the person one becomes when faced with either situation, obsessed with the multiple transformations one mind can endure.

I read this Kerouac quote for the first time one long night when I decided to read "On The Road" cover to cover in one sitting. I felt it fitting considering that according to the legend, Kerouac himself wrote the novel in only 3 weeks on one continuous scroll. I underlined many quotes in that book, the book would become a sort of bible to me, but that quote stuck out the most. I knew I had heard it before, reading it in the place it originated only stirred it's revival from the chambers of my mind.

Oh, how I wanted to be one of those people. The ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but in harsh reality, I yawned all of the time. I even yawned when I was enjoying myself. Commonplace things were my specialty along with politeness and half-assed passions. Sometimes I like to sit on the couch for 3 days straight and do nothing. I was pretty sure that counted me out of being desirous of everything at the same time.

So I came to terms with the fact that being desirous of everything at the same time only 50 percent of the time was the most I was going to get out myself, and that that would have to be okay. At least my heart was in the right place. I didn't really think I would ever know one of those yellow roman candle people - until I met Jamie.

As the now over told and mildly cliche story goes, Jamie and I met outside of the library during our first weekend of college. We were set up on a sort of blind friendship date by a mutual friend who promised us we would love each other. I thought she was weird. She thought I was boring.

Needless to say, eventually, the tables turned. It was the best lesson I ever got on not judging a book by its cover. Eventually, the very reasons I had for being put off by her became the very reasons I love and embrace her.

She has several visible piercings, and one secret one. She changes her hair color every chance she gets. She wears whatever she wants, always. No matter if it is in style. She has three tattoos and always wants more. She falls in love way too easily, with women, and with men. She has the loudest voice I have ever heard and is lying when she apologizes for it.

She has an insatiable, irresistible and infectious smile. She is passionate about everything from feminism to facebook. Whenever she does anything, she does it all the way...and with fire in her eyes. She has the ability to infect passion to the people she touches. She has an innocent naivety that cannot be wiped away, no matter how much she goes through. She has the ability to talk for hours on end about one minute detail of one minute moment, even if it has nothing to do with her life. She is the most loyal friend I have ever had.

She is, without a doubt, mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time. She yawns a lot, seldom says a commonplace thing, and boy does she burn,burn,burn. She is one of the world's fabulous yellow roman candles.

Our senior year we lived in a big house with 7 bedrooms and 5 other girls. We both chose to live on the ground floor. She tacked the greeting card with the Kerouac quote onto the outside of her bedroom door. I looked at it every day for a whole school year, associating her with those very words. In the end, she became the words.

I can look back on my four years of college and count more fabulous friendships than I have fingers. I can count more magnificent life changing moments than I can stars in the sky. I can think of more outrageously fun memories from those four years than I can from my whole life. A lot of the best ones, were with Jamie.

Like me, she is a life junkie. Addicted to the moments and feelings and stages of the bumpy road. She has walked me through countless depressions, been by my side during countless good times, she has listened to me talk until the sun rises, she has picked me up off of the floor more times than i can count, held my hair back more times than i would like, told me the truth even if it hurt more than the lie, told me a lie if she knew it was what i wanted to hear, she has mastered the art of knowing when i want to talk and when I just need a cigarette and cold dark night wrapped in blankets on the porch.

Unlike me, she does not need to stop and analyze, she lives in every moment for that moment- something I have yet to master without pausing to write a sentence about the moment in my mind. She does not stop to think about what other will think of her, she does not feel the need to explain herself to those she does not love.

With her, the parts of me that are not all that likable dissipate a little. I forget to analyze so much and remember to live in the moment more. I am a flawless junkie of life. With her, I also become a fabulous yellow roman candle- together we explode like spiders across the stars.

Today, Jamie and I rarely make time to chat on the phone for hours on end, nor do we see each other on a regular basis. We lead busy and separate lives that are not ever sure of crossing again quite the way they did when we were both holed up in a small city in upstate New York.

However, it if comforting to know if I ever need to explode like a spider across the stars...she's there.